The lows,the downs,now i am exhausted
November 9, 2012 in Uncategorized
Me and bd have been 2geda for more than 7years,we had our up’s and down’s,break up’s and make up’s,long distance relationship,fights and arguments,third parties being involved,apologies,tears,hugs and kisses,said words that will never be taken back,promises of best things to come and those promises being broken,over and over.
In those 7years,we have lived 2geda for 4years,we had our sunshine during that time,made plans to get married,got excited,then cancelled them,got disappointing put them back on track,excited,then cancelled them, disappointing,then i just gave up on the whole idea.We broke up,me and sunshine moved out late 2011,to live with my sister. Didn’t speak for weeks,the hardest thing for both of us,then out of the blue,he would call me,we would speak,try to fix things,then back to square one,and then and then………
So now,i am so exhausted,i think we both are,emotionally and physically we are just tired of the break up and make up sessions,we have a son now,yep,he is two years old and it is sad it took us two years to realise that he was here,we both love him to bits,i would kill for him,we have both realized we need to grow up,be adults,becoz as it is,there is baby already,i dont know,as fun and carefree as it is to be a baby,it is time to grow.
We sat down and had a good talk,he suggested it.He doesnt want to throw what we have,what we went through to get here away,he needs us,he needs his son in his life everyday of his life,he wants to wake up in the same house and sleep in the same house as him,and he asked me what i want,well i want him to do right by his son,follow the correct procedure traditionally,his family must formally ask for us to come stay with him,i was so excited about the idea of getting married back then,but i am not so sure anymore,dont get me wrong i love him,alot,but i am not sure if he means what he says,i dont want to find myself stuck in a relationship/marriage,unhappy and depressed becoz now,he cant fulfill his promises,i want to see how serious he is about us,i sound selfish for making this decision,that will affect my son as well,but i also feel,if i am not happy,i cant raise a happy child,for now,all i need from him is to do what is right for his son,then the rest will fall into place,i just hope things will be different,someone once said”If nothing changes,nothing will change” hopefully our intentions are sincere and this time,things will change for the better.