Let’s talk about spanking….

March 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

That pesky EL James keeps interfering in my life. You know what I mean, all those detailed descriptions of spanking (albeit badly written in a string of clichés bound together by poor grammar and the death of women’s lib). Yes I am talking to you, the literary snob/prude in the corner, I know you’ve read it in secret.

I digress. Spanking. Let’s talk about spanking.

I am assuming that you have already passed the point of “to spank or not to spank?” and we now find ourselves at “ok, let’s do it…wait…how, when, with what shall we do it?”

Should said flagellation happen pre-coitus or mid-coitus? I brought this up with my girlfriends and I was told that during coitus is best, with increasing intensity.

What about spanking apparatus? A quick search on the internet reveals a plethora of options here from the plain paddle (I am told a ping pong bat will work just fine for half the price) to the studded and spiked kind. I don’t think I want my spanking with a side of welts and bleeding, I am rather fond of my Egyptian cotton sheets and I think one would defeat the point if one had to sit on a donut at work the next day, not to mention the awkward conversation with one’s colleagues. I think I’ll stick to the good old palm thank you very much.

And we haven’t even got to the part about “should I be the spanker or the spankee?” Or both? At the same time? Can that really work or will it be a logistical nightmare like having sex in the spooning position (can somebody please explain that one to me)?

This naive sex blogger needs answers, any help would be greatly appreciated.”

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