That dreaded day…..Valentine’s

February 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

Aaaaaargh! It is that time of year again….Valentine’s Day! Of all the days in the year, I dread this one the most and wish that I could stay curled up in bed way from all the “schmaltzy, lovey-dovey” couples.

My first memorable Valentine’s Day was when I was 18 years old and had my first serious boyfriend. I was completely besotted with him and truly believed that we were going to be together forever (the stupidity of youth!). Like all 18 year old boys, he was obsessed with sex which meant that whenever we had 3 minutes alone he would be grabbing and fondling as much and as quickly as he could. Being 18, 3 minutes was usually all it took. For Valentine’s Day, he gave me a very sweet card and a rose. I was so shocked at this thoughtful and romantic gesture until I realised that the rose was not real and what was the bud of the rose unravelled to reveal a very skimpy, lacy, red g-string! Boy, was that fun opening it in front of my very conservative mother! Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last much longer but it did  set the tone for many a Valentine’s Day after that.

For most men it means a day where they rush out and spend a fortune on red roses or hurriedly dash into the nearest garage shop to buy a box of melted, waxy chocolates. What we all really want is to feel special and noticed. For someone to say that this Valentine’s Day you will be woken up with breakfast in bed and the day will end with dessert in bed…nudge, nudge, wink, wink! For the day to be about us and not about the usual daily nonsense. However, if you do feel the need to give me a gift, I want one that keeps on giving even when you are not around, like a waterproof vibrator!

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