May 6, 2014 in Uncategorized

Polyamory isn’t for everyone.Some will argue that it’s not for anyone. These people will, after reading this blog, be the first to say “told you so”. They’ll be convinced that poly is the reason a very long relationship has come to an end. And it might, right off the bat, look like they’re right but I hope most of you who read this have more insight.

Let me start by saying, I am still poly and I will always consider myself polyamorous. It does not matter if I have only one boyfriend at a specific time – the possibility of having more will always exist.

I knew this from a very young age. Where my friends would marry Barbie and Ken, move them into the same house, complete with two and a half kids and a dog, my Barbie was single.

Ken would come over to visit every now and again. They’d have dinner, make out and then he would leave. The next night, my Barbie would get a visit from Skeletor and the night after that Leonardo, Raphael or Donatello would show up for pizza and a movie. Michelangelo, unfortunately succumbed in a battle with a Maltese Poodle but believe me, if he was around he would have visited my Barbie too.

It felt natural.

As I grew up, playing with dolls turned into dreaming about the future and I again found myself thinking about things differently than my friends. They each imagined a fairy tale wedding and a big house where ‘forever after’ would happen. Me? I imagined a business suit, a penthouse that I’d share with one, two or three cats and occasionally with a lover or two or three.

Being young I never believed it to be a possibility. Wherever I looked, people were getting married, moving in together and living the white picket fence dream.

Telling people marriage wasn’t for me was met with a certain distaste, I’d even go as far as say hostility.

So, I started to think something was wrong with me – something was wrong with the way I saw life and love. Believing this, I could do nothing else but conform (luckily not as far as marriage is concerned).

I met someone.

For most of the 13 years we‘ve been were together, we were monogamous. We lived together. I cooked and cleaned. I made sure he had clean clothes to wear. I fixed his socks. But with each passing day I fell deeper and deeper into a depression. Things were slowly falling apart and we couldn’t figure out why. Even through my depression, he was generally happy – for most part he was living the life he wanted. To him, having someone to come home to and plan a future with was enough.

It was out of sheer desperation from both our sides that we considered opening up our relationship.

He got a girlfriend.

I freaked out.

I moved out.

Queue the light bulb!

Finally I figured out why I was so very sad for so very long. I can’t live with someone. I can’t be one person’s all AND I don’t want one person to be my all.

The realisation that monogamy wasn’t for me was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

So what’s the problem then, I hear you ask…

The problem is where I discovered I feel most comfortable in a polyamorous relationship it turns out he doesn’t feel comfortable in one at all.

The problem with poly is you can read and play out scenarios in your head and imagine how you’d deal with issues that will come up but you can never really know how you’ll react when your partner takes another lover.

And when you’re not really ‘wired’ poly it ads another complicated level to an already complicated situation.

We had four choices.

  1. I go back to being monogamous, become depressed and die having lived a horribly, miserable life.

  2. He stays poly, becomes even more depressed than he is now and dies having lived a horribly, miserable life.

  3. Break up. End all contact. This would unfortunately also lead to depression and dying having lived horribly, miserable lives.

  4. Act like grown ups who really love each other and want the best for each other.

There’s no doubt that I love this man and he me. We grew up together. We went through some hellish times and shared some amazing times. He is the one person with whom I can truly be myself and the reason why I am who I am. My best friend. Why throw away everything just because one aspect doesn’t work any more?

So, we’re going through concious uncoupling. It’s a thing. If you Google it you’ll read all about Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin’s concious uncoupling.

It makes perfect sense. We love each other enough to let the relationship evolve into something else, a friendship, rather than ending it completely.

It’s difficult. We have 13 years of habit to break. It feels weird. It hurts. But in the end, all will be well. He might one day get married and have children and that’s okay, I’ll be there in whatever way he needs me to be.

Poly taught me about love – when you want the best for someone, when you want someone to be happy, irrespective of your own needs and feelings – that’s love.

So, as the saying goes, I love him enough to set him free but I don’t expect him to come back – we can’t go back to the way things were but we can move forward. As friends.

Fake it till you break it!

April 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

Post-coitus guilt. It’s a thing. Or maybe it isn’t…I’m too tired to Google. I had a night from hell and it was all my own doing.

You’d think that Calvin Klein model material will equal sexual attraction – panty dropping stuff – but apparently not. Ok, maybe the panty did drop but the attraction fizzled out before he had time to put on a condom.


So what is a girl supposed to do? Say, “Hey, dude, the moment has passed” even though we only just started? No, that’s not nice. So I did something for the first time in my life – I faked it.

But let’s go back a little. I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for the last three years. He’s kinky, I’m kinky so most times we’re together we get our freak on. It never inspires me but I always make excuses…”maybe I wasn’t in the right mood and that is why it wasn’t  fun for me blah blah blah” and end up seeing him again.

Last night we went vanilla.  I was lying there, bored out of my mind. Yes, like in the movies where the chick is totally not feeling it and you can see she is praying that he would just get it over with already. I was so not into it my thoughts were all over the place: “You should go donate sperm. Beautiful people like you should populate the world…I’m almost on leave, should I play Skyrim or Dragon Age…I wonder what my neighbours are doing…Ooo, that feels good. Do it again…I need to buy batteries…” At one time I actually giggled softly because I was sure if someone were to look at us from above they would think we were in fast forward mode at the speed he was going at it.

I’m not here to poke fun at him. I’m 100% sure women will fall over each other to get a piece of him and they will leave perfectly satisfied. But for me, something is missing. Call it chemistry, call it an emotional bond, or whatever but it isn’t there.

Now, three years down the line, I have to end this. I feel horrible. One for having waited this long and two for faking it, letting him sleep over and making him coffee.

After the bump with a little grind, I was frozen in one position scared I’d wake him and he’d end up wanting a third helping.
I started to think…if someone that I cared about or that I’m in a relationship with ever did to me what I just did to this guy, I would have a mental breakdown. Phone Tara and book me a padded cell with a straight jacket – for at least six months.

The thought of one of my partners  having sex with me or spending time with me because they feel they have to, and not because they want to makes my skin crawl. It feels like it would be the ultimate betrayal. Entering into a relationship with someone, you have to let go and trust. You have to believe that the person is with you because they want to be and not because of a misguided sense of duty, out of pity or Captain Save A Ho mentality. It’s hard. But, since I’m shit scared of karma I will make sure to never again fake it. I’ll only spend time (read have sex) with people I want to and who I have chemistry with.

I can only hope that last night doesn’t come back to bite me on the ass.

Hold that sexy pose!

January 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

In movies it looks so easy, you know, greeting your boyfriend at the door dressed in sexy lingerie. Let me tell you, it’s not. Timing is a b*tch, but if you haven’t experienced just how big a b*tch, you might have more of an idea after reading this.

It’s mid afternoon. Yes, I know, romantic plans take place at night with candles flickering away and Barry White on repeat, but I had no desire to wait for night time and Barry and I don’t really see eye to eye, so daytime fun it was. For some reason it actually made me feel slutty…after all, good girls are at work or school or getting ready for Bible study and here I am, nefariously plotting and scheming. Titillating.

Looking at the thing I was about to strap myself into, I messaged him and said I’m going to need 15 extra minutes. And so it started – I huffed and puffed as I manoeuvred myself into the corset. Damn, stockings – it might have been a good idea to put them on before the corset. After carefully pulling up the stockings…the boning of the corset slowly cutting me a new hole to breathe from, I fell down on the bed a sweating mess. Sexy, ne?

Catch my breath, retouch make up, check myself out in the mirror and wink at myself, yes, I approve.

That was the easy part.

I had no idea when he’d be showing up, it could be right away, the next fifteen minutes or maybe he was running late. That meant I would have to stand there, in my sexy pose, for what could be a very long time. I assumed the position but it was not long before the boredom set in. I counted the blinds, counted the eggs in the tray…the amount of tiles form one wall to another. It felt like 10 minutes had gone by but when I checked it was more like three. Change of plan. I can hear the gate to the complex open so there is no reason why I can’t go sit and relax and just strike the pose when someone drives in. This could work.

As soon as my butt touched the couch the gate opened. I darted to the spot, channelled the sexy and waited…and waited. Then my mind went into what I can only describe as ADHD mode…

“Ooo this is funny. You slut, you. Stomach, stop growling, you were fed. Nice weather today. I came in like a wreeeeeecking baaaall. Miley is hot. Argh, this stupid tan line. Ow, cramp, cramp. When did I eat so many eggs? I’m thirsty. I hope no one else knocks at the door since I don’t plan on moving out of this sexy pose to check. Hahaha. Imagine the caretaker’s face…”

And so it continued.

Then, then I spotted the Iron syrup and everything went downhill from there.

“You forgot to take it this morning. Better late than never…”

Open bottle, pour into measuring spoon, misjudge where mouth is, mess half of syrup on boobs.

“ WTF did you just do? Yes, give him a passionate kiss while you taste and smell like blood, you idiot. Sticky idiot. Water. Need water.”

Rush to the tap. Wipe frantically at boobs with wet cloth. Grab a glass. Fill with water.

Someone is coming down the passage. What now?

Before I know it I’m back, waiting to greet him like planned, but apparently now with an added glass of water.

That won’t do.

I take a mouth full of water, swirl it around, aim at the sink and spit. Okay, maybe not spit…imagine one of those pretty angel fountains, yes, do that. The glass disappears behind my back and I work my personalised Blue Steel look. Sexy, ne?

Suffice it to say, it wasn’t him coming down the passage and I had a few minutes to giggle at the things we’re willing to do when it comes to love.

So now you know, this romance business is a hard one and not all that glamorous behind the scenes. But as long as you don’t take yourself too seriously, you’ll pull it off with only minor injuries but the grin on your boyfriend’s face will make you forget all about them.


You got it, now flaunt it!

November 8, 2013 in Uncategorized

There I was, playing strip poker with some friends when I started thinking…

Women and their bodies, what is up with that shit? I’ve never in my life met a man who is shy taking his clothes off and parading naked in front of people. However, women and being naked always come with issues.  If it is not weight, it is cellulite, or saggy boobs, or, or, or…

What about approaching our bodies in a positive way?

“Oooo look at my curvy hips and round butt!”

“I really like my knees…”

Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask that you give yourself some lovin’ and acknowledge the good parts? Ideally I would love a world where women don’t believe anything about them can be ugly. I’d like a world where each and every woman knows they’re beautiful irrespective of size, shape, age, and everything that gravity throws at them.

I’ve written about Dove’s #RealBeauty campaign before and I can’t help but smile every time I visit a website and see those beautiful, sensual, curvy ladies strutting their stuff on campaign ads. It makes me proud to be a woman when I see other women stand up and say, enough with these stick straight bodies you keep shoving in our faces – give us curves!

We should stop comparing our bodies with those we see in magazines – have you seen the amount of retouching necessary to get their “ideal” woman? Not even models are good enough nowadays. It is sickening but we keep falling for it. But I won’t go into my usual spiel on how buying Cosmopolitan and its sister magazines contributes to the body issues of thousands of young and even older women. We keep paying them to tell us how ugly we are. How is that workin’ for ya?

“But”, I hear you saying, “my boyfriend won’t be attracted to me if I am overweight, have cellulite or if my boobs sag.”

My dear, if  he is that shallow, he does not deserve you. Research has proven time and time again that men, contrary to popular belief, want something to hold onto. Your body is also not the first on a list of check boxes when it comes to attractiveness – your face is. So if he’s not attracted to you because of this or that, dump his ass. There are many men out there who don’t buckle under the pressure of dating what society sees as a 10/10.

I have to confess, although I am leaps and bounds ahead of most women when it comes to accepting my body, I still have some work to do. But that is okay, I’ve come a long way. I’ve accepted every single scar, stretch mark, varicose vein…you name it. Why? Because this body has a story to tell. It has been on a long journey and my, what some would call imperfections, fit perfectly into my body’s biography.

So ladies, stop comparing yourself to the woman next to you. I know you’re capable of seeing the beauty in others, it is time to now see it in yourself.


Dropping the L-bomb

November 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

Hi, my name is Miss Muse and I’m a drunk texter. I don’t know why I have the need to express my undying love to everyone on my phone when I’m sloshed. But it happens and it is one of those things that can’t un-happen. Type, type , type, send and then comes the “what did you just do” moment. Vomit.

It happened again last night and my “what did you just do” moment is still with me. I #facepalm myself every time I think about it.

One good thing did come from it – it got me thinking about things – things I should not be thinking about with a mother of a hangover. Besides the fact that it hurts, I doubt that my brain is up to the task of processing my thoughts. But anyway, let’s see if I got slapped with some wisdom on the topic of…wait for it…L.O.V.E!

Love is one of the words that scares the bejeezus out of people in relationships. There is always the question of when is the right time to say “I love you”. Now, when I’m drunk I’m extra loving – in like becomes in love and in love becomes screaming “I love you” from the top of a building. Scary stuff.

So I started thinking, why the fear of saying those 3 words? I think when women say “I love you”, men hear “Let’s get married” or “I want your babies”. Why? Probably because that is what most women want when they love someone. There’s a reason so many romcoms deal with men bailing as soon as the girlfriend drops the L-bomb. But times have changed and a lot of women don’t want traditional relationships any more. They want to be independent individuals who flourish in society In their own right and not as part of some parasitic relationship where men are the caregivers and their protectors.

But is there something as saying it too soon? I don’t know. I would think saying it on the first date might give off psycho, stalker-chick vibes but then again maybe it was love at first sight? I do know that when you’re in a new relationship and you are completely infatuated with the person something that can’t really be called love sure does feel like love.

People often times confuse being in-love with loving someone. The best way to explain it is in-love is driven by hormones that make you feel all warm and fuzzy and when this subsides and you get to know the person and still like him and can’t imagine your life without him, then it is love. Don’t get me wrong, it is possible to experience love while you’re still in what is called the NRE (New Relationship Energy) phase, it is just not very common.

This is where the confusing part comes in – if everything in NRE feels like love, how do you know it really IS love? I suppose you can play it safe and guard your heart just in case it isn’t real love or you can jump in, heart first, and experience everything there is to experience when it comes to being in love/loving someone.

If you ask me, jumping in sounds like a hell of an adventure.




Three’s a crowd

October 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

Sometimes you should listen to your insticts, or you might open a can of worms – creepy, slimy worms.

My instincts told me to stay away, but who really wants to stay away from a sexy 95% match on OkCupid – not to mention his hot wife?

You’re all confused, I gather, so let me start at the beginning.

I was bored two weeks ago and decided to create a profile on the dating site OkCupid. The site has this nifty little tool that shows you your “quick mathes” – people you have a high percentage match with. This percentage is calculated by comparing answers to random questions.

The guy popped up first. I rated him 4 or 5 out of 5 stars. This means he’ll get a message saying I like him. After a few 2-star, 1-star and “you don’t deserve a rating because you didn’t complete your profile” ratings, a beautiful woman’s profile popped up. I messaged her.

Skip forward some and we’re chatting up a storm. They’re actually married. She identifies as gay – took a while to wrap my head around a gay woman being married to a man but that is unimportant – and was looking for female companionship.

Skip forward again and it is the night before we are supposed to meet. We’re chatting and she raises some insecurity issues. Now when you’re meeting someone with the hopes of having a threesome or starting a polyamorous relationship there will be insecurities. Especially for the woman who is part of the couple. What if he likes you more, what if he leaves me for you…questions like this will whirl around in her head.

I had the exact same insecurites when my partner and I opened our relationship, so I helped her through it. I remembered what all the websites, books and podcasts said when I first went down this path. I shared it with her and where it might have helped at that moment something in me knew that the shit was going to hit the fan. It takes more than a phone chat to take away insecurities. It took me close to a year of therapy to work through mine. That was a tough year!

I pushed the nagging feeling away and told myself that this woman might be much stronger than I was. Maybe our chat was all she needed to sort through any issues, I told myself. Everything will be fine, I kept thinking.

Come the night we meet and everything feels right. She’s at ease. We talk, drink Mojitos and have a good time. I enjoy their company and we truly have a lot in common. This could really work. Then, enter sex, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket. Not during, but after. I don’t know what exactly triggered her insecurities. I actually made a decision beforehand to give her most of my attention – I wanted her to feel like the centre of what was happening because I knew anything less would get her thoughts rolling.

Looking back, I think the moments that got to her the most happened not during the sex but after – more intimate moments between me and her husband where we just relaxed on the bed and held each other. Seeing your significant other have sex with someone else has much less of an effect on your emotions than seeing them connecting emotionally with someone else.

Anyway, she put on a brave face, but I knew it was just a facade. Hugging and kissing her bye at the car confirmed it. She was distant and I could see her overthinking, analysing.

Now, I don’t really know why I’m writing this blog. Maybe it’s my way of sorting through what happened – figuring out what went wrong so as to avoid it in the future.

The answer is easy, I guess. I should listen to my gut. I have some experience in this, I walked this path and should be able to spot the warning signs. Where every person is different, we are very much alike in how we deal with certain things. Insecurities makes you want to retreat to a safe place – a place you know and have been comfortable in. In this case it is monogamy.

I know what they’ve been going through the last few days trying to figure out where to from here. I see the tears flowing down their faces because they now all of the sudden want two very different things. She wants him to want her and only her, and he wants the world.

Someone is going to have to compromise or they’ll have to end the relationship. It’s a sad fact, but it is reality. I wish I could fast forward and show her that if she is the one to compromise, then a year or two from now they will most probably have a better and stronger relationship. She will be secure in knowing that she is his life partner and he loves her unconditionally and everyone else is just additions to his life. Who knows, maybe she can find herself a gay lover, that way the both of them can have the best of both worlds.

Unfortunately each of us has to walk our own path and fight our own demons. I can’t plug in and programme her to skip all the heartache and tears and get to where I am now – a point where monogamy is not an option because I have too much love to give.

Two lessons learnt:

I should follow my instincts and;

I am not as invincible as I thought.

Get a babysitter!

July 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

I don’t have kids. I might in a few years decide it’s time and pop one out. Maybe. But I already know what things I’ll avoid when I join the “parent” club. I know this because I’ve been around enough people with children to know what is on and what isn’t. Recently I added something new to my list: Don’t burden others with the fact that you have a child.

Seriously. You decided to have a child, not your parents or grandparents or friends.

I’m not talking about dumping the little munchkin at your parents’ house without notice so that you can go on a cruise for a week. Yes, that wouldn’t be very nice of you but grandparents are family and usually have some emotional investment in their offspring’s offspring. Friends on the other hand…

Ok, let me get to the point. If you’re friends with people who don’t have kids and you’re invited to a braai with said friends then common sense will tell you that this is an adult party, with adult conversation. So now you can choose to: 1. get a babysitter or, if old enough, leave your spawn at home; or 2. bring kid to adult braai but warn adults to watch their language and censor topics that are up for discussion.  

I never knew option 2 was…well… an option, but apparently it is.

So, in effect, you’re putting your needs before those of others – telling let’s say, 7 people, to change their behaviour because you decided to breed and then decided to make that everyone’s problem by bringing your kid to an adult braai.

Nuh-uh! Come on. If you don’t want to leave your kid at home then by all means bring him with, BUT don’t try and change the behaviour of the people he will encounter.

I know I’ve said this in a previous blog and I’m sticking to it:  It’s not cursing or not cursing that will determine how the kid behaves, it doesn’t even depend fully on how he’s raised, but on his personality. And personality is formed from tons of tiny things put together. Things bad language has no control over.

Tolerance is an important life lesson, one you won’t be teaching your child if you try and change other people for your convenience.

Marriage shmarriage…

June 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

So there I was browsing News24 when I saw “Cheated: now she wants to save marriage“.

I read Ria’s tale of secret love, unfaithfulness, heartache and heartbreak. Nothing she did jumped out as being particularly underhanded as far as cheating goes. Cheating is never a pretty thing and we all know it, but the tongue-lashing this poor woman got from readers was disgusting.

But more shocking was the amount of people recounting their failed marriages and telling their stories about cheating or being cheated on. Yet…yet people still cling to marriage as if it is the Holy Grail of relationships.

As one of the readers who commented points out: Just another case in point that marriage is archaic and unnatural.

It’s true. We’re not supposed to marry, hell, we’re not even supposed to be monogamous. If marriage was the way to go then why is the divorce rate so high? Why do people cheat? Why do people live unhappy lives – trapped in a relationship they long ago grew tired of? Is a piece of paper really that important?

The social stigma that follows un-married couples is enough to make any person run to the nearest Magistrate’s office just to get it over with. That must change. Marriage isn’t the be all and end all of relationships anymore. Times are a-changin’ and it’s time to get with the programme, people.

Okay, I suspect I’m harping on this issue because someone stepped on my toes, which are particularly sensitive when it comes to saying yay or nay to the fairytale wedding.

I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years and we’re more committed to each other than most married people. After all, we’re not legally bound to stay together and can leave if we feel like it. But we don’t. We choose to stay together through the hard times and bloody hellish times and the wonderful, amazing, oh-my-god-you-rock-my-world times.

So, don’t anyone dare tell me our relationship isn’t valid or deep or that we’re scared of committing and that’s why we’re not married yet. Come talk to me about being scared of commitment after you’ve heard what we’ve been through.

People cheat for various reasons. If you change the relationship to something where cheating isn’t possible you stand a chance of saving it. More people are choosing open or polyamorous relationships.

People are curious. They will look elsewhere. They may not always act on it because they’re honest and respect the relationship they’re in…but…that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking about it. Variety is the spice of life as the saying goes.

When you try to limit a person they’re bound to get unhappy. It might, to some, happen sooner than later but it will happen. The question is, if you love someone why would you want them to be unhappy? Be honest with each other and yourself. If you realise that your partner will find other people attractive and so will you, you can communicate openly about your wants and needs and make sure your relationship lasts.

People aren’t possessions. When you’re in a relationship you don’t own the other person. That’s what a marriage certificate seems to signify to some…a receipt. You now own each other. Let the power struggle start and with it the problems.

Listen to your partner and for once think of them and not just yourself. Yes, making an open-relationship work is hard. It’s painful. It gets nasty. But let me tell you this, there’s nothing better than trusting that your life partner chooses to share his or her life with you, always, no matter who else is on the side. Some might say it’s a risk but I say it’s a worthwhile one to take because I don’t want my partner feeling trapped or unhappy – which is often the case in long relationships.

Communication is key and so is honesty.


Different strokes for different folks

June 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

I usually blog after hanging out with friends or family – someone is bound to do or say something that will get me thinking. This weekend wasn’t any different.

At a braai with friends, I met some of their friends. Great people – friendly, kind and down to earth. So, since it was the first time meeting we had to get to know each other. Uh-oh. We’re strange, and strange isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

The evening went fairly smoothly. I think. Of course there was the issue of me being in the company of a teenager. Dangerous stuff since I hardly ever guard my thoughts and my thoughts aren’t always pure. Add a drink or seven to the mix and the kid will walk away educated in how to curse like a sailor and in the science of Pata Pata (not talking hands on experience here).

In my hangover state, with head hung in shame, I realised I should come with a warning label. But then I got thinking…why? I’m sure I didn’t use words he hadn’t heard before. Seriously…he’s in high school and, actually, I think some of his classmates can teach me a new word or two.

In life he will meet different types of people. Some, like me, will curse and laugh loudly and go wild, while others will sit quietly in the corner. Both are fine because people are different. It’s not my cursing or not cursing that will determine how the kid behaves, it doesn’t even depend fully on how he’s raised, but on his personality. And personality is formed from tons of tiny things put together. Things my foul language has no control over.

Ok, so there was the kid issue. Then there was the marriage issue which turned into a religion issue which ended in “we have nothing else to say to each other”. Sigh.

Let me backtrack and explain what happened.

Our 12-year anniversary is coming up end of July. I’m proud of that. We’ve been through some rough times. Rough. So if any person wants to discredit our relationship because we don’t have a piece of paper they’re stepping on some big toes. But I stayed calm. When asked why we’re not married I just replied, like I always do, and said we’re in a loving, committed relationship and a piece of paper won’t change that.

That answer wasn’t good enough. Enter Jesus. I can’t remember the exact words but the friend pulled the religion card and said Jesus wants people to get married.

Elementary, my dear Watson, I don’t believe in Jesus.

A gasp from one of my friends. Apparently that’s not a good thing to say to this particular person. Oops.

“I was just starting to like you,” the dude said, “but now we don’t have anything else to say to each other.”

Oki-doki then. Seriously? In today’s day and age you’re so closed-minded that you refuse to talk to someone if they don’t believe in the same thing you do? Wow. But the funny thing to me was that he’s been friends with my friend for a while now and uhm, how do I say this, he’s an atheist too! Are you going to stop hanging out with him now too because he’s not a Christian? Or is it just easy to target me and push me aside because you only just met me? It’s fine, I’ll survive because the one thing I stopped doing ages ago is change who I am to fit in with people. You either like me or you don’t. No skin off my back.

I ignored his little teenage outburst and talked to him anyway…someone had to be the grown-up. The evening carried on with no hard feelings. I don’t know if he’ll be able to stomach sitting around the braai fire with little ol’ atheist me again and it’s okay if he can’t. Hopefully he also got an education out of the evening and now knows that not being a Christian doesn’t make you a bad person. Hopefully he realised that he is, whether he likes it or not, talking to people from different religions or non-believers every day…and we’re not all that bad.

Hi, I’m a foul-mouth atheist in a 12-year non married, committed and open-relationship. Deal with it.

Some more on why you don’t have to put a ring on it here.

Bad day blues…

May 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

I’ve had a few sick days during the last couple of weeks. I didn’t take off from work but came to the office and carried on. No, I’m not some martyr. You see, the type of sick I’ve been feeling isn’t the type where you can take the day off.

Yes, I realise it’s possible for a doctor to book you off from work for psychological reasons but do you really want him to? I don’t and maybe I’m silly but…“Hey boss, I’m struggling to get out of bed to come to work…no, my back is fine…I haven’t broken any bones…no, it’s not a migraine…?!?!?!..I’m depressed.”

Queue office gossip.

There is still some major stigma attached to depression or any other psychological illness. You’re bound to be called crazy or a loony, and taking the day off might even, around the water cooler, translate into you’ve gone to the nuthouse. Sigh.

Isn’t your brain an organ too? Why is it fine to call in sick if last night’s sushi is trying its best to escape through every orifice in your body BUT when your brain is feeling a little more grey than usual you have to go to work?

It’s unfair. Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression, bi-polar disorder or any other psychological or mood disorder can be just as debilitating – or even more so – than upchucking vrot kos.

I’m not talking about any ol’ bad day here – the kind everyone gets every now and again where you’re not in the mood for work because it’s cold outside and your bed is so nice and snug and warm and your cat is curled up behind your butt and it’s just so damn cute…

I’m talking about the bad days people who suffer from mood disorders get. You know? The “I’m useless at life, I’m a waste of space who won’t ever accomplish anything and should just die” kind of bad day.

There is the odd chance that actually getting up and going to work will make you feel better but something will most probably happen that will confirm your feeling of uselessness. Working when you feel like a complete failure isn’t fun ­- I would much rather stay in bed and sleep through it.

Unfortunately, until people accept that your brain can get sick too and that it doesn’t mean you’re going to go all Psycho slasher  film on them, I’ll have to drag my sorry ass out of bed and go to work…