The key to good relationships..
January 9, 2013 in Relationships
The fundamental key to a good, worthwhile, successful and rewarding life is understanding the pivotal role thatrelationships play in business, family and well actually EVERY aspect of your life.
A person who does not invest in their relationshipswill never be able to “get” what they really want from their relationships. Not investing in your relationships is a little like buying a plant and never watering it. It might get lucky with a bit of rain and it might survive but it’s a gamble and it is highly unlikely to ever flower.
The fundamental key to good relationships is RESPECT – a very simple equation will inform the state of any relationship:
The LESS respect you show for the other party, the LESS respect you will recieve in return.
Luckily the inverse is also true:
the MORE respect you show the other party, the MORE respect they will show toward you.
It is very important to note though, that in long term relationships, suddenly applying this principle in a context where a long standing pattern of disrespect currently exists will be very difficult at first. If you can imagine creating a whirlpool effect, by stirring in a clockwise direction in a large round container of water and keeping it up for an extended period of time and then when the current is very forceful, changing the direction of your stirring to anticlockwise. At first you must fight against the existing current and push to change the direction of the flow, but after a little bit of effort, the curent will change and the flow becomes easy and you find you sometimes don’t even have to try to stir, as the current will just take you along with it.
The effort is worth it.
It is also important to define for clarity what RESPECT looks like:
We both have opinions, we may not agree, but if we RESPECT each other we will BOTH acknowledge that each has a RIGHT to their own opinion and agreeing is not a requirement to our continued relationship. If we respect each other and LOVE each other we will fight for each other’s right to hold that opinion EVEN if we not not agree with the other’s point of view.
If I have an idea and you have a doubt that the idea has validity, and you RESPECT me, you will use kind words and tone to try to persuade to a different view point, you will NEVER use cutting words to destroy me, or cut me down.
If one respects another he will allow him autonomy, treat him as a knowledgable person in his field, acknowledge and defer to that expertise, allow him the space and right to make his own choices, persue his dreams and goals, support his efforts and celebrate his achievements, and because of this pattern of RESPECT you have shown him, he will do the same for you. Even if the two of you do not have the same goals and views or beliefs.
The more different the two parties frames of reference, the easier it is for contempt and disgust, derrision and segregation to occur, these all being the results of a disrespectful interaction, and therefore the more imperiative the need for a culture of RESPECT.
It is very important to note that we all, each, everyday need to CHOOSE TO BE RESPECTFUL.
IT IS AN ACTION, a CHOICE, an ATITUTUDE assumed and adopted ON PURPOSE. If you are RUDE and ARROGANT, it is not your personallity, YOU CHOOSE to be that person.
Make a CHOICE, make a CHANGE.